Finding Beauty and Magic in Midwinter

I used to dread winter. On Cape Cod, midwinter to spring was an off-season slog of muddy slush, dull skies, and duller moods. In Northern Maine, where I went to college, winter was a punishing season of piercing subzero temperatures, seemingly endless darkness, and seasonal affective disorder.

While winter is still challenging, I’ve spent years exploring the beauty and mystery of the darkest time of the year. Mythology, magic, nature, spirituality, history, and my heritage have given me a personal, meaningful connection with winter that makes it peaceful, tolerable, and enjoyable.

Winter is home to some of the most beautiful sabbats and holy days – the solstice, Sankta Lucia Day, Christmas, the lunar and Gregorian new years, Imbolc, Saturnalia, Lupercalia. The celebrations of light and acceptance of darkness echo our ancestors’ respect for the earth: a reverence for all aspects of our world and ourselves.

In winter, I get to rest. In the silence of the snowy woods, I am not pushed or pulled, pressured or forced. The cold compels me, certainly, but in ways that feel natural. It doesn’t test my anxiety – it coaxes me back to my primal self, my body’s needs, my heart’s desires. My rhythms sync with the earth’s rhythms.

When I think of winter, I see a world of peaceful ease, a palette of blues, whites, greys, dull greens, and primordial black. Winter is the pause between exhale and inhale, the lull between heartbeats, an ancient promise of rest and renewal.

In winter, things feel simpler. I wake up to the snowfall, reassuring me that I can stay home and stay cozy. All I need to do is care for my home, tend to my land, and return to the warmth of the indoors. I feel called to go outside and spend time with nature, but I am never forced to go or stay anywhere.

In a world where I am constantly asked to stretch myself too thin, work too much, try too hard, winter accepts me just the way I am. In the peace, silence, and simplicity of winter, I am good enough. And among all the vast achievements and accolades of humanity, I think that’s all we really want.

Spirituality through the seasons

One of my favorite things about my spirituality is how it changes with the seasons.

In summer, my faith feels light and joyful, like a warm July morning. I feel a sense of clarity and centeredness that only the creative space of summer gives me. I’m happy, Spirit is happy, and our connection reflects that.

In fall, my spirituality feels more raw and visceral. I feel my ancestral roots tying me to the earth as I celebrate Samhain and the Wild Hunt, like my Irish and Scandinavian ancestors did.

In winter, my connection with Spirit welcomes me home and coaxes me to rest. I feel like I’m easing into my spirituality the way one nestles into the arms of a lover. Octavio Paz was right when he said that mystic and erotic poets sound very similar, because there are only so many ways you can describe the indescribable.

In spring, my faith feels like a little tulip bulb sprouting up from the ground: tender, refreshed, and ready to work through the primordial mud of whatever my next chapter is.

Every season and sabbat reflects a different facet of my faith, and I love experiencing all the dimensions of my spirituality as the earth around me changes. Celebrating the holidays specific to my heritage, like Hexennacht and Sankta Lucia Day, add another layer of connection with my ancestors, my gods, and myself.

I encourage you to notice if and how your spirituality feels different through the seasons, and how those differences offer nuance to your spiritual & magical practice.

"The future’s uncertain and the end is always near"

Is social media recreating the roots of colonial America?

During the Salem Witch Trials, Calvinism was the reigning religion. Calvinists believed in “soteriological predestination,” which means that before you were born, you were preassigned a fate in heaven or hell. You went your whole life with no way of knowing (or controlling) which one you were destined for; but to keep your social status, you had to act like you were "perfect" and destined for heaven.

This way of being breeds disconnection, paranoia, and a lack of authenticity and intimacy in relationships. To me, it seems oddly familiar to today’s social media standards, in which we all feel the pressure to present a perfect life despite our BTS struggles and (natural) lack of control. I can’t count the number of times I’ve seen life coaches and influencers showing off their lives, just to admit months later that they were miserable.

In comparison, the social elite in Salem would tout their piety and use the accusation of “witch” to "socially cleanse" the community of those less privileged, less religious, or simply less "likable."

Understandably, people resort to extremes in times of distress, but there must be a better way than how we did it in 1692.

We don’t need to be so transparent as to trauma dump online, but perhaps we can be more mindful of sharing a fuller picture of our experience, and not feel like "imperfection" will seal our fate in social purgatory. Likewise, it would benefit us to remember that no one has a "perfect" life, regardless of how flawless their online presence is.

Intimacy over the holidays

Most of us know that the holidays can be stressful, and some of you may also know that stress can impact intimacy.

Intimacy is not just a sexual experience—it’s a feeling of close, genuine connection that can be emotional, physical, and even spiritual.

I wanted to re-share these ideas for int*macy during the holiday season, to hopefully inspire you to connect with yourself and your loved ones in new (or familiar) ways:

▫️ share or create a tradition
▫️ reflect on individual and partnered goals and resolutions
▫️ share gratitude
▫️ enjoy quiet downtime together
▫️ get cozy with sensory comforts (candles, blankets, etc)
▫️ reflect on needs and boundaries
▫️ share beliefs and emotions regarding the holidays
▫️ hold space for emotional release

These suggestions can apply to partners, friends, family members, and oneself (solo intimacy is just as important as interpersonal intimacy).

While they might be different from your typical ideas of intimacy, they touch on the physical, emotional, spiritual, and sensory experiences that can be deeply healing for us. Experiencing closeness in these ways, with oneself or others, can foster senses of belonging, empathy, and compassionate care. With all that’s going on in the world, we need each other more than ever, and genuine connection is a vital foundation for peace, growth, and change.

I hope your holidays are filled with as much peace, comfort, and love as possible.

What is tarot really for?

The purpose of a reading is as unique as the person getting it, but in my opinion (as a reader of nearly a decade), tarot is for exploring the self and the world around you: past, present, and future.

There’s a concept in psychology called “teleology.” Essentially, it means that we do things not from past influences, but from future ones. We apply for a school or job because we see our potential in that field. We risk heartbreak because we believe in true, enduring love.

We are not at the mercy of our past or present circumstances—we have the ability to identify, pursue, and fulfill our potential. This doesn’t mean we’re exempt from obstacles and injustices—it means that we can be innately oriented toward hope instead of hopelessness.

This is how I view my Year Ahead readings, and why I created them. Whether you have a specific goal in mind (like I did last year, with grad school) or you just want to make the most of your next twelve months, Year Ahead readings provide you the insight and tools to do so.

Think of it as the spiritual version of informed consent ;)

If you’d like a Year Ahead reading, I have a few options:

Live Year Ahead reading

Year Ahead reading (payment plan)

Prerecorded Year Ahead reading

The Magic of De-Influencing

At this point, we're all aware of influencer culture–and hopefully, we're all aware of the impact influencer culture can have on our mental health.

From “FOMO” to impulse-buying to endless envy of someone else's curated lifestyle, influencer culture can make it difficult to feel content with our lives as they are.

I personally am of two minds when it comes to influencers: on one hand, it's amazing that people can make a living online. Personally, it's been a lifesaver for me to earn money on my own schedule so I can pay for grad school. On the other hand, much of influencing goes against my ethics of mental health best practices.

As I navigate life in New York City, which can often be isolating, exhausting, and competitive, I've found comfort and peace in “de-influencing.”

You may have heard the term before, but I define de-influencing as online content that encourages contentment, peace, and love for the life you're already living. I don't really love the term “de-influencing,” as it carries the connotation of its opposite, but it's useful for this paradigm shift.

Sometimes de-influencing content is obvious, such as videos labeled “Accepting your face.” Sometimes it's a beautiful piece of writing or videography that makes me feel creative, connected, and inspired, without leaving me feeling envious or less-than.

Overall, as I've continued in my personal, spiritual, and academic journeys, mindfully consuming inspiring content has massively helped my sense of self. Treating your online world like your personally-curated mood board helps you have greater autonomy over your attention and emotions, and can leave you feeling more fulfilled and at peace.

Some of my favorite creators include Jonna Jinton, Harmony Nice, and Freyia Norling.

The Art and Science of Psychology

This came to me while I was writing one of my PhD application essays. It was too poetic for an academic essay, but I thought I’d share it here–

My academic career has consistently centered on a singular question: “Why does this matter?” While my intellectual humility tells me I’ll never answer it, my ambition encourages me to continue refining it, like Michelangelo’s “non-finito” sculptures.

At every turn in my career, I ask myself the existential question again; and every time, I arrive at the answer of intimacy: connection with ourselves, with others, and with our world. To many, connection is an unattainable goal, a destination at which we will never arrive but always pursue.

Why pursue the unreachable?

I've always considered connection to be a noble endeavor toward an unreachable end; the journey mattering more than the destination.

Why love if you could lose? Why try if you could fail?

The intrinsic motivation of connection keeps us going, while the inhibition of connection seems to lie at the center of so many negative mental health outcomes.

In my experience, two of the most highly charged forms of intimacy, often at odds with each other, are sexuality and spirituality. 

At best, they are forms of connecting deeply with oneself and others, sometimes to an entrancing, ecstatic extent. At worst, they are riddled with stigma and morally-charged rewards and punishments, even leading to physical harm and death.

As I attempt a synthesis of psychology as an art and a science, I also attempt a synthesis of sexuality and spirituality as parallel, if not unified, paths toward greater connection with oneself and one’s world.

Self-acceptance, self-value, passion, purpose, and belonging are all fundamental aspects of the human experience depicted through art, literature, tarot, psychology, and nearly every medium that attempts to capture what it’s like to be human. 

All of these rivers flow to the sea of connection.

While Michelangelo's sculptures can never escape their marble prisons, perhaps through a synthesis of research and education, we as human beings can continuously liberate ourselves and each other.

Lana Del Rey, Kintsugi, and the art of loving

“That’s how the light gets in”

When I first heard Lana Del Rey’s song Kintsugi, it made me very emotional. Listening to her sing “that’s how the light gets in” reminded me of my high school best friends, the art kids who are still my closest friends to this day.

Like the eponymous art form fills gold in the cracks of broken pottery to make something new, there is an art to loving each other that is indescribably unique and beautiful. There are no rules or roadmaps–just genuine bids for connection that are, ideally, appreciated and reciprocated.

Research shows that the ultimate determinant of happiness is having close, fulfilling relationships. As someone who’s been listening to LDR’s music since Born to Die, it’s so refreshing to watch her transition from singing about dysfunctional relationships to her true, loving connections with her family and friends.

Whether it’s friendship, familial, or romantic, the bonds we share help us see the light even in the darkest times. It can be scary to open ourselves up to emotional intimacy, to make cracks in the walls that protect us, but as Lana says, that’s how the light gets in.

If you have any thoughts on this you’d like to share, feel free to comment on my Instagram post.

The 3 Pillars of Tarot: How to Read Tarot like a Professional

As a professional tarot reader of nearly a decade, I’ve developed a tripartite curriculum for teaching tarot to my students. In this blog post, we’ll explore an introduction to the three pillars of tarot reading: classics, psychics, and ethics.

Teaching tarot is so special to me because tarot is an endlessly renewable resource, emotionally and financially. Whether you read only for yourself or others, the skill of tarot reading is a lifelong gift that keeps on giving.

Personally, tarot has helped me make smarter decisions about my personal and professional life, allowed me to provide invaluable guidance to my friends and clients, strengthened my relationships with family members through the bonding experience of reading together, and funded my graduate school education.

Because tarot is such an emotionally intimate experience, it is crucial to have the knowledge, skills, and ethics to provide readings that help, not harm, yourself and your clients. While each pillar is important, we need them all to function as constructive, compassionate, and high-quality service providers.

Classical tarot training: How to learn tarot without memorizing all 78 cards

Let's not sugarcoat it: learning tarot can feel like a huge undertaking, and the overwhelm inhibits a lot of people from even trying to learn it. The thought of memorizing 78 individual cards' meanings would make anyone grimace (myself included).

Thankfully, that's not the way you have to (or should) learn to read tarot. In this letter, I'll give you a window into the classical tarot training I teach my students.

Tarot is a system of numerology, elementals, and associated spiritual systems like astrology. Learning these systems of tarot helps the deck feel less like 78 individual cards, and more like a simple math equation.

For example, let's use the four of swords:

4 is the number of stability.

Swords is the suit of air (the mental: thoughts, communication, logic, mental health/illness, mentality/perspective, etc).

Put together: the four of swords is, in essence, mental stability.

We can see this in the imagery of the traditional (Smith Rider Waite) imagery of the card: someone putting their swords down and resting in a place of sanctuary.

Psychic tarot reading: How to give a personalized, valuable, and unforgettable reading

Psychic abilities. Intuitive languages. The clairs.

You've probably heard these terms before (unless you're very new to my world). But how do they make a difference in tarot reading? To illustrate my point, I'll tell you a story about a recent client of mine:

As I was giving this client her reading, I told her that for one card, I saw an image of sand. To me, sand represents a feeling of groundedness and, as the head researcher of my lab says, “moving our grain of sand” (making baby steps toward a goal). We flipped the card over, and it was The Emperor reversed: with the positive feeling I got from the card, I saw it as claiming power and stability for herself, instead of relying on external sources of power. She then told me that for her, sand represented home, as she grew up by the beach.

By merging the classical meaning of The Emperor reversed with the psychic feelings and images I got from it, we concluded that this card indicated that my client was finding a sense of power, authority, and stability within herself by making consistent steps towards independence (through continuing her education, creating a safe home with her partner, and pursuing financial independence). Without the psychic aspect of reading, we wouldn't have uncovered the nuanced details that made the reading personally meaningful and impactful for her.

Ethics of tarot reading: Why you should never tell your tarot clients what to do

You would think that being a professional tarot reader means giving your clients advice and telling them how to solve their problems, right?

In my opinion, wrong.

As a full time tarot reader who is also training to become a mental health professional, I have a specific perspective on how to read for clients in a way that helps them to help themselves (like the adage of “teach someone to fish, and you'll feed them for a lifetime”).

Why don't we want to tell clients what to do?

• It takes away their autonomy and agency.

• It makes them dependent on us, the service provider.

• It encourages an unhealthy and unethical power dynamic.

Instead, a tarot reading should give your client the information and insight they need to make the best decisions for themselves.

In my mental-health-informed opinion, this is the optimal method because:

• It affirms the client's autonomy and agency over their lives, improving their sense of self.

• It encourages the client to develop and maintain their critical thinking, problem solving, and discernment skills.

• It allows them to truly improve their lives and return to us, the service provider, whenever they want additional support, instead of making them dependent on us as a substitute for their own problem-solving abilities.

We cannot assume that we know what is best for our clients. Each of us has our own biases, values, and visions for how the world (and all the people in it) should be, and it is not our place to impart our own values into the reading (no matter how well-intentioned we may be).

For example, when I was first starting out as a professional reader, a client came in with a relationship crisis. Their situation made it very tempting for me to take a side, especially when I turned over the central card: the two of cups reversed (well known as “the breakup card”).

I could have easily told my client, “This is typically seen as the breakup card, so I think you should break up.” However, it was not my place to judge their relationship or either person's actions. Instead, I broke down the card's interpretation without judgment: “The two of cups indicates a fundamental inequality between you and your partner. You are not on the same page right now. What would you like to do about that? Would you like to break up, or would you like to repair the relationship?”

My client said they wanted to stay together, so we proceeded with gaining insight on how to repair the relationship. Now, that client is happily married to that same partner.

This is a classic example of why it is so important not to tell our clients what to do, but to give them guidance based on what they decide.

Going Further: Continuing your Tarot Training

These three pillars of tarot are the foundation for what I teach in my course, Tarot from the Heart.

In the course, we'll expand on the three pillars for every aspect of the tarot reading process. Along with psychic tarot training, Tarot from the Heart includes lessons on classical reading and ethics, as well as building a successful tarot business.

If you're ready to learn tarot, for yourself and/or for paying clients, explore the course here. Enrollment opens to the public every once in a while, but I open the course to individuals upon request. If you’d like to inquire about enrolling, and you’re ready to finally learn to read tarot with clarity, competence, and confidence, email me at gwen@gwenwalsh.com.

Reading Tarot Reversals: Are Reversed Tarot Cards Bad?

What are reversed tarot cards?

Let’s begin with the basics: a reversed tarot card is a card that, when you flip it over, appears upside down. Some readers purposely read with reversals, seeing them as adding another layer of nuance to the cards’ meanings. Other readers prefer not to read with reversals. There is certainly significant stigma around reversed cards, which is why many readers choose not to read reversals, and also why I want to address reversals in a constructive, expansive way. I believe that the way we see reversals informs our entire ethic of reading tarot, and when we release labels of “good” or “bad” from reversals, we can liberate ourselves and our readings from those same moral dichotomies.

Are reversed cards always bad?

In summary, no. Most tarot websites and books interpret reversed cards as the "bad" version of the card. This is largely inaccurate, lacks nuance, is inherently judgmental, and is potentially harmful to readers and their clients. We’ll explore the implications of this uncompromising view of reversals later in the article.

What do reversed cards mean?

When I see a reversed card, I will view it in one of three ways:

Blockage: the energy of the card is obstructed. For example, the reversed Empress may indicate a creative blockage.

Opposite: sometimes a reversal does indicate the opposite of the card's constructive energy. For example, an opposing Empress energy might indicate stress and burnout.

Internalization: an internal expression of the card, as opposed to an external manifestation. Internalized Empress energy may look like a solo vacation or creative writing for your eyes only, as opposed to theater or a group trip.

The interpretation of the reversed card is largely, if not entirely, dependent on the feeling you receive from it. This is why the psychic aspect of tarot is imperative for nuanced, accurate readings. Before you turn the card over, see what type of energy you feel from it: does it feel inspiring, cautionary, exciting, concerning, etc? The psychic interpretation of the card will indicate the way you interpret the reversal. If you feel good about the card and it comes up reversed, that does not mean that your intuition was "wrong" or that the card is actually "bad."

What are the implications of always reading reversals as “bad?”

Have you ever noticed how reversed interpretations of feminine-coded tarot cards usually defer to misogynist stereotypes?

If you scan the top tarot websites and books for reversed meanings of cards like the Empress or the Queens, you'll see descriptors like "needy," "dependent on others," "envious," "smothering" etc. All of these descriptions correlate with the patriarchal idea of the "bad" femme: one who disobeys her assigned gender role as a "good" mother, daughter, and woman.

These descriptors originate from archaic, victim-blaming, and gender-essentialist ideas of women and femininity, which in turn contribute to misogyny. Through repeated exposure of these gender tropes, we're are taught to believe that traits like "envious," "smothering," "tempting," and "deceptive" are intrinsic to womens' identities, which, over time, contribute to everything from low self-esteem to gender-based violence. 

We can, and need to, do better than that. Let's expand beyond misogynist assumptions and stereotypes, and dig a little deeper to understand these reversed meanings.

Dr. Amir Levine, medical doctor and author of Attached, says that "most people are only as needy as their unmet needs." So why do we assume that the reversed Empress is intrinsically high-strung and smothering? Perhaps she's been made to act that way due to unmet needs of emotional safety, community support, and/or a sense of belonging.

Sometimes a card does indicate envy, codependency, etc. But instead of deferring to patriarchal, misogynist, and victim-blaming language, let's explore the "why" and the circumstances that contextualize the card. When we respond with curiosity instead of foreclosing on these reversed cards, we'll often find that the reversal comes from the circumstance, not the person's identity.

How do I read reversals in an expansive way?

As you continue on your tarot journey, develop an understanding of what reversals mean to you. Feel free to take inspiration from my list (blockage, opposition, internalization), and/or create your own. Consider what a reversed card could mean in a “good,” “bad,” and morally-neutral way.

As you are doing a reading, practice psychic tarot reading by feeling in to the messages and energies you receive from the cards before you turn them over. 

As you turn the cards over, take note of which, if any, are reversed. Remember how you felt about the reversed card(s): did they feel relieving, cautionary, inspiring, energizing, calming, etc? Merge the psychic message of the card with the classical interpretation of the card. For example, if you felt a refreshed and relived energy from a card, and it turned out to be the Queen of Pentacles reversed, that doesn’t mean the card is “actually bad” or that your intuition was wrong. It might indicate that, instead of being lazy or envious, the reversal indicates that you’re taking a much-needed break from providing for others, and instead directing that nurturing energy toward yourself.

To learn how to read tarot both psychically and classically, enroll in Tarot from the Heart, my premiere course for learning how to read tarot personally and professionally. If you have any questions about Tarot from the Heart, feel free to email me at gwen@gwenwalsh.com.

Solo Sex Magic

Sex magic is, as the name implies, the practice of magic through the powerful conduit of sexual energy. To quote the (imperfect but iconic) occultist Aleister Crowley, magic is “the Science and Art of causing Change to occur in conformity with Will,” or in layperson’s terms, changing our lives to achieve our goals and desires.

Sexual energy is ideal for magical uses because it is powerful creative energy that commands our attention. Magic is most powerful when we are focused, connected, and intensely invested in our intentions, and there’s no better way to connect with ourselves and our desires than through solo sex.

Sex magic can be performed in infinite ways, but there is a common ritual structure to inspire your practice. Remember: the important thing is not whether you’re doing things the “right” way, but that you feel confident, powerful, and invested in the ritual. Connection and emotional investment are the two most important aspects of any magical working; the rest is just icing on the cake, if you will.

Let’s explore the “how-to” of a sex magic ritual, some frequently asked questions, and some ways to personalize a sex magic practice.

How to do Sex Magic

In its simplest form, sex magic is performed by thinking of an intention, keeping that intention in mind while raising sexual pleasure, and releasing the intention upon orgasm or height of pleasure. Below, I’ve outlined a basic sex magic ritual structure that you can follow or customize to your liking.

1. Set your intention: choose a clear, concise, and present-tense intention. Don’t use ambiguous, negating, or future-tense language. Some examples of well-crafted intentions are “I am a writer at [insert magazine name],” or “I live in my dream apartment in Los Angeles.”

2. Create sacred space: your ritual can be as simple or ornate as you’d like. Do whatever practices you’d like for energetic cleansing, self-protection, and creating sacred space. Examples include lighting candles, applying your favorite perfume, and casting a circle.

3. Raise energy through pleasure: slowly and gradually raise energy through self-pleasure. Focus on enjoying the pleasure, not on what kind of pleasure you’re engaging in or how long the ritual is. Keep your intention in your mind (visually, verbally, or both) as you raise your energy and pleasure.

4. Release energy at height of pleasure: during orgasm (or height of pleasure), visualize and/or speak your intention very clearly. Feel and know the intention is true in the present moment. Release the intention to the universe, Spirit, or whatever is meaningful to you.

5. Meditate, close down, and ground: optionally, take a quiet moment after releasing your intention to express gratitude and connect with yourself and/or whatever higher power you sent your intention to. Once you feel the ritual is done, close down the sacred space, do your protective practices again, and ground with a snack, water, or any other aftercare practices you like.

There are endless ways to customize a sex magic ritual (with sensory additions like candles, music, toys, etc) to increase your pleasure and enjoyment. There are also various sexual and spiritual techniques to bolster the power of your magical working, like edging and energetically protecting yourself before and after the ritual.

How to do Sex Magic with Sex Toys

The efficacy of a sex magic ritual centers on the focused enjoyment of your pleasure. To emphasize presence and pleasure in your sex magic practice, toys can be great additions to your rituals. Toys can give us access to varied and novel sensations, inspire us to explore new erogenous zones, and support us in expanding our pleasure possibilities.

Any toy can be a part of a sex magic ritual, but you can also customize your toys to fit your specific spell’s intentions. Make sure to choose toys based on what you like; the power of sex magic is based on pleasure, so don’t use a toy unless it brings you pleasure. If you plan on working with a new toy, try it out in a non-ritual session before using it for sex magic. That way, you can focus on enjoying it instead of worrying about whether or not you will like it.

Corresponding your toy(s) to your intentions can amplify the ritual, just like using corresponding herbs or crystals. Optionally, you can consecrate or energetically charge your toy before using it in your ritual. Below are some example intentions and corresponding toys. Feel free to use this as inspiration, and get creative with your sex magic toys!

Intention: Grounding, Safety, Stability, Security, Root Chakra

Toys:

• Butt Plug: butt play stimulates the area of the root chakra, which encourages feelings of grounding, stability, and security.

• Prostate Massager: for folks with a prostate, a massager can be a great addition to one’s toy bag! Prostate toys also stimulate the root chakra area.

• Impact Toy: impact play creates an intense sensation for focused attention to your pleasure.

  Intention: Creativity, Sensuality, Flow, Sacral Chakra

  Toys:

• Suction Toy: a fun and creative alternative (or additional) sensation to vibration.

• Dual Vibrator: another creative addition to one’s toy bag, this toy has licking, sucking, and vibrating capabilities.

  Intention: Confidence, Power, Solar Plexus Chakra

  Toys:

• Magic Wand: one of the most iconic and powerful wands on the market, the Magic Wand is great for folks who are looking for a no-frills, high-powered vibe. Various attachments can be added for different textures and even internal vibration!

• Pulsating Vibrator: The Stronic Pulsating vibe offers high power with a back-and-forth vibrating motion, as opposed to traditional vibration.

  Intention: Self Love, Romance, Heart Healing, Heart Chakra

  Toys:

• Nipple Pump: pumps offer a suction sensation and increase blood flow and sensation to the nipples. The pump linked is great for beginners, and this set is great for folks looking for a higher power.

• Crave Vesper Vibrator Necklace: keeping this vibrator close to your heart will charge it with the energy of your heart, and support you in healing any blockages of self-love or partnered love. Just remember that it still needs to be physically charged too!

Intention: Self Trust, Intuition Development, Third Eye Chakra

Toys:

• Fun Factory Volta Flickering Silicone Vibe: This versatile vibrator can be enjoyed in infinite ways, and encourages you to intuitively explore the various pleasures you can experience with it.

• Sensation Lube: this warming lube is a fun addition to increase sensation in whatever area you apply it to, encouraging focused attention to your pleasure and empowering your sex magic.

• Massage Candle: connecting to all areas of the body helps facilitate full embodiment, which helps to ground you in the present moment and empowers your sex magic. Self-massage is a great sensual and sex magic practice on its own, or in addition to other types of pleasure.

FAQs about Sex Magic

What if my intention isn’t “sexy?”

If you’re struggling to envision yourself self-pleasuring to a “non-sexy” intention, I recommend focusing on the sensory or sensual experience of the intention. For example, if your intention is to get a promotion at work, envision the sense of power you’ll feel with your new position. Feel the fabric of whatever clothes you’re wearing on your first day, the smell of the perfume you’ll put on, and the feeling of confidence and joy that you’ll have when you walk through the door or open your laptop. Feeling the experience is the most important thing.

What if I can’t/don’t orgasm?

A lot of resources define sex magic as manifestation based on orgasm. I believe that, just like sex as a whole, sex magic is an expansive practice that is not defined by a single physical function. The “goal” of sex magic is not orgasm; it is the enjoyment of your pleasure. As long as you’re enjoying yourself, your sex magic is effective!

What if I “mess up” during the ritual?

Magic doesn’t care if you trip on your words or have to take a bathroom break. If you feel you “messed up” in any way, just take a moment to collect yourself and continue with the ritual. Again, the most important thing is to be present at the moment and emotionally invested in the magic you’re creating.

What do I do after the ritual?

A key component of magic is putting all your energy and attention into the ritual, and then trusting that it will play out in due time. It may not “work” the way you wanted to, as nothing is guaranteed; but the act of magic is to initiate collaborative work with whatever spiritual power is meaningful to you (your spiritual self, a deity, an ancestor, etc). Do not worry about whether or not your ritual will “work.” If you find yourself starting to worry, remind yourself that you are doing your part spiritually, and whomever you are spiritually collaborating with will then take the time to do their part.

Do You Believe in Magic?

Whether you’re a seasoned witch or a spiritual skeptic, sex magic can be an enjoyable and empowering practice. Affirming positive things about ourselves helps us feel more confident and capable in our lives, which can help us navigate challenges and celebrate successes more constructively.

As you become more acquainted with the unique emotions and energies of your sex magic, you’ll be able to conjure them even outside of a ritual setting. Channeling this energy consistently will help you stay connected to your sensuality, confidence, and power.

Existentialism, The Universe, and The Void

Does the Universe really “have our back?”

Or is that power actually in our hands?

Is it scary to claim that power and autonomy for ourselves, instead of handing it off to an abstract concept like the Universe?

This post is inspired by a post by @seekingwithsattva on Instagram about the Universe and humans’ hubris.

Psychologist Eli J. Finkel says that existentialism "begins with the assumption that life has no ultimate or objective purpose. Individuals, who are confused and terrified by the awareness of their own smallness in a vast galaxy that lacks coherence, are responsible for generating their own sense of identity and idiosyncratic value system to achieve a sense of meaning." He continues to say that "people who succeed in both developing their own value system and living in accord with it (that is, people who live authentically) can build lives that are deeply fulfilling."

While I do believe in the power of (realistically) positive thinking, I also believe that the Universe is not constantly trying to make everything work out for us; why would it? We need to do that for ourselves and each other–and that autonomy is both terrifying and liberating. That's why it's important to do this work of self-awareness and self-intimacy, to cultivate a supportive community, and to have trusted mentors who can also support our goals & wellbeing. Our life purpose is within our control; it is not controlled or determined by an abstract force outside of us.

If you disagree, that's totally fine! We're all allowed to have our own beliefs and opinions, and I encourage you to think critically about everything you read & see, including everything you read and see from me. I believe in, and work with, deities. I am also a skeptic and I acknowledge that deities, the power of "The Universe,” etc, could not exist. Who are we to know for sure? And if the effect these things have on our lives is ultimately positive, does it matter if they're "real" or not? 

I appreciate this kind of critical inquiry, because I think it's important to hold multiple perspectives, and the potential of truth in all of them. And I think this kind of critical inquiry allows us to be more intentional, authentic, and liberated in our lives. I aim to cultivate this in the work I do: I don't tell people what to believe. I help them cultivate their own critical thinking, emotional intelligence, and self awareness skills with the intention of helping them help themselves.

Your journey of healing/empowerment/etc should always be led by YOU: your intuition, your joy, your critical thinking, your well-being. If you get a bad feeling from something a coach/teacher says or does, you don't have to put up with it. Your autonomy should be the number one priority.

So it doesn’t matter whether or not the Universe is constantly conspiring in your favor; because YOU are conspiring in your favor. The mentors and community members who support you are conspiring in your favor. The actions you take, the intuition within you, is conspiring in your favor. You have the power and autonomy in your life to make constructive, ethical, and mutually-supportive decisions in your life, and you don’t need to depend on an abstract, out-of-your-control concept like the Universe to do it for you. 

You are good enough.

You are wise enough.

You are powerful enough.

xo, Gwen

P.S. The reason I offer tarot readings is not because I'm some "highly ascended source of unattainable wisdom;" I'm an imperfect human too! I offer readings to provide an objective perspective, to help you help yourself navigate situations that you might be emotionally invested in, and thus offer objectivity to your subjectivity. I also think that I'm pretty good at reading tarot, and I have the skills as a sex educator, psychic, and emotional space-holder, but it's not because I'm "better" than you or more "enlightened" than you. I am a channel to help you help yourself. For the month of May only, I’m offering High Priestess tarot readings, which help you tune in to your unique High Priestess identity: your intuition, spiritual leadership, and unique gifts. These readings are not to seek something outside of yourself, or tell you how you need to “change” or “do better.” The HP reading is to support you in tuning in to what is already there; your inner self, and the intrinsic wisdom you hold in your own inner High Priestess. Click here to book yours; these readings are for all genders, with 30-minute and 60-minute options, and will disappear on May 31st.

How to Celebrate Hexennacht, The Witches’ Night

Hexennacht (literally “witches’ night” in German) is a somewhat-obscure holiday, relative to the widely-known eight sabbats of the Wiccan year. Exactly six months apart from Samhain (Oct 31), Hexennacht was historically recognized as a day to protect oneself against witches, and has since been reclaimed as a celebration of the witch. 

Origins and History of Hexennacht

Also known as Walpurgisnacht or Walpurgis Night, Hexennacht is the eve of the feast day of Saint Walpurga, an 8th-century Francian abbess. The holiday is celebrated on April 30th, the eve of Saint Walpurga’s canonization.

Saint Walpurga was known as a protectress among German Catholics, who believed that she fought against vermin, diseases, and witchcraft. As Saint Walpurga was quite successful in converting people to Catholicism, Catholics prayed for her intercession for protection against witchcraft, especially on the eve of her feast day. In contrast (or complement) to Saint Walpurga’s intercession against witchcraft, medieval and Renaissance folklore said that on Walpurgis Night, witches’ powers were at their strongest. In German folklore, it was believed that witches gathered on The Brocken, the highest peak in Northern Germany, to meet and cast spells. As protection from the witches, the local populations would light bonfires, dress as witches and demons, play loud music, dance, and set off fireworks to drive the “evil” away. The term “Hexennacht” originates from Bavaria, as does the practice of dressing up, dancing, and warding off witches with their revelry.

The idea of a “witches’ sabbath” on April 30th isn’t entirely far-fetched, as Hexennacht is the exact opposite end of the year from Samhain, the Witches’ New Year on October 31. It is believed that the “thinning of the veil” between the physical and spiritual worlds occurs on Hexennacht as well as Samhain, making Hexennacht a particularly powerful day for divination, necromancy, and magic.

Why Witches Celebrate Hexennacht

Reconnecting with yourself as a witch: 

While Hexennacht is not considered one of the main witches’ holidays, it’s a beautiful and powerful day to celebrate as a witch. Hexennacht is the affirmation of a witches’ existence and power in the face of discriminatory religious traditions, making it just as applicable today as it was 13 centuries ago. Hexenaccht can serve as a day of coming back to yourself as a witch: why do you identify as a witch? What does being a witch mean to you? Is it a joy, a privilege, an obligation, a responsibility, or all of the above? What places, activities, music, energies, and practices make you feel most like a witch? Hexennacht may feel like a political, spiritual, ancestral, group, and/or solo day, depending on how it feels to the individual.

Divination and Magic:

As Hexennacht is on the opposite end of the year from Samhain (exactly six months away), it is a powerful day for divination and magic. Many witches see Hexennacht as a “Second Samhain,” a day to celebrate as they would on Samhain. The enhanced spirit activity of Hexennacht amplifies the power of psychic and divinatory practices such as channeling, tarot, necromancy, scrying, and more (Note: please make sure you are being safe and careful when partaking in psychic or divination practices, and making use of personal protection, cleansing, and grounding practices before, during, and after). Many witches will also take the day to connect with and offer libations and other offerings to their ancestors, deities, land spirits, and guides.

A Farewell to the Dark Year:

In the Northern Hemisphere, Hexennacht, as the witches’ night on the eve of the Celtic holiday Beltane, is also like a last hurrah to the dark year before the light and warmth of summer fully take over. While we can honor any energies at any time of year, it is particularly special (and exciting) to revel in the finality of “the last night of silence and darkness” before bursting into the fiery, playful, sensual celebration of Beltane. Hexennacht can also be a time to ground yourself, reflect on your intentions, desires, and dreams, and spend time in silence with them, so you can leap into manifesting them with renewed energy on Beltane.

What Hexennacht Means to Me

As a witch of German ancestry, I celebrate Hexennacht as a deeply personal, internal, and solitary day. Hexennacht is a day of honoring the darkness and amplified spirit activity, showing respect for spirits, deities, and witches, known and unknown, and spending one last day immersed in the energy of the darkness before leaping into the vivacity of Beltane (another one of my most beloved holidays). Hexennacht feels similar to Samhain for me, except the anticipation of Beltane (and sharp contrast of the energies between the two holidays) feels even more exciting and energetically charged.

My Hexennacht celebration involves a deep reconnection with my roots and magic as a witch, devotion to my deities and my own powers, and remembering who I truly am. This usually includes a devotional ritual and libation offering (usually red wine) outside at night, reading my favorite witchcraft books, journaling, and doing divination such as scrying and tarot (although I usually find myself most drawn to scrying on Hexennacht). I love honoring the simultaneous wildness and stillness that I feel on Hexennacht. Aside from my rituals, I usually keep it a pretty quiet day, sometimes even taking a devotional vow of silence while I’m not in ritual.

How to Celebrate Hexennacht

As with any spiritual practice, go with what feels right for you, and don’t force yourself to do something that you don’t have the energy or motivation for. The important thing is to honor the day only if you feel called to, and if so, in whatever way feels fulfilling for you. One practice is not “better or worse” than another, which is why I’m including activities for all physical and mental energy levels. If you do engage in any spiritual practices, remember to do your practices for protection, cleansing, and grounding, and seek out a trusted source or professional if you’re not sure how to do something safely.

Do a Ritual: If you feel spiritually inspired on Hexennacht, consider holding a ritual to your spirits, ancestors, deities, and/or yourself as a witch. Rituals can be ornate or simple; the more authentic to you, the better. My Hexennacht rituals are usually bare-bones: just me, the moon, a bottle of wine as a libation, and the devotional words I speak.

Give Offerings: If an entire ritual feels too much for you, giving an offering is a simpler devotional act that is still quite powerful. Offerings can be physical (like food, beverages, or flowers), performative (like reciting a poem, saying a prayer, or dancing), or action-based (like writing, volunteering your time, or making a donation). Consider who you are making the offering to, and what they would appreciate. In my experience, for example, Hecate likes garlic left at a crossroads, The Morrigan is pleased with a bold red wine, and Lilith appreciates volunteering at an organization for reproductive justice, like Planned Parenthood.

Divination: Hexennacht is a powerful night for all psychic and divinatory work. If you feel inspired, do a tarot reading, scrying, pendulum work, or other divinatory practice to connect with your ancestors, deities, guides, and/or higher self for any messages or guidance you seek. Hexennacht, as the halfway point to Samhain, is also a great day for divination to reflect on how your year is going so far.

Spend Time in Nature: As German witches were said to gather on The Brocken, spending Hexennacht in nature is a beautiful way to connect with yourself and with the lore of the holiday. Whether you go for a short nature walk, a day-long hike, visit a botanical garden, or spend time at a park, allow yourself to enjoy the healing and revitalizing beauty of nature. If you don’t have nature nearby, consider a meditation with nature sounds on a free app like Insight Timer.

Watch a Film: Watching a witchcraft-inspired film is a great way to honor Hexennacht while also relaxing. My favorite witch movies include Häxan (1922), Legend of the Witches (1970), The Love Witch (2016), and The VVitch (2015). Note that these are more “fun” and campy films (aka not historically accurate, with the exception of The VVitch).

Read a Book: The inward-focused energy of Hexennacht makes it a perfect day to relax with a book and a cup of tea. I love reading up on my closest deities, such as Hecate and The Morrigan, or other witch-adjacent subjects like magic, shadow work, or history. My current favorite books include Hekate: Goddess of Witches by Courtney Weber, Psychic Witch by Mat Auryn, Satanic Witch by Anton LaVey, and The Book of the Great Queen by Morpheus Ravenna.

Meditate: Perhaps one of the most ubiquitous spiritual activities, the stillness and silence of Hexennacht invites us to quiet our minds and tune back in with ourselves. Whether you choose a silent, guided, or walking meditation, clearing your mind allows you to return to yourself, and release the pressure of outside opinions and energies.

Hexennacht is a beautiful, powerful day to celebrate being a witch. Allow your intuition to guide you in honoring yourself as a witch, and returning to yourself and your magic. If you feel called to learn more, I recommend exploring my Spirituality Masterclass Bundle, Love Witch Awakening, and my new tarot course, Tarot from the Heart.

Happy Hexennacht and blessed Beltane!

How to Prepare for a Tarot Reading: 5 tips to make the most of your next reading

Tarot readings can be healing, inspiring, and life-changing experiences, or they can be daunting and confusing. If you’re equipped with the knowledge of how to make the most of your reading, you’re much more likely to have a powerful and transformative session. As a professional reader, I recommend the following to optimize your tarot reading experience.

Know your reader

The best way to start your reading off right is by choosing the right reader for you. There are as many different types of tarot readers as there are types of people: some readers are more gentle, some are more straightforward. Some readers have areas of specialization, like love, career, life purpose, money, etc, some will NOT read for certain topics, and some will read for any topic or question. When choosing a reader, consider their personality, their style of reading, and their area of speciality in conjunction with your personality, your learning style, and the area of your life that you want guidance on.

I would recommend seeing which reader(s) you are naturally drawn to, and then learning more about them to make sure they’re a good fit for you. For example, you might be drawn to a career tarot reader for their candor and stoicism, but if you’re looking for a love reading, they might not be the best fit. Likewise, if you’re seeking career advice and want the brutally honest truth, you might not want to go to a sugary-sweet love reader. Every reader has their own unique value and style, so you will never have an objectively “bad reading” from anyone. The key is to seek the right reader for the right purpose.

Some questions to ask yourself when choosing a reader:

• Do they have an area of strength or speciality? If so, does it match with the type of reading I’m looking for?

• What is their personality and reading style? Does it match with what I’m looking for?

Let your reader know if you have any concerns, requests, or content warnings

Most professional readers will have an intake form as part of their booking process. In the intake form, make sure you include any concerns, needs, accommodations, or notes that you want to include for the reading. If there are certain topics that you don’t want to discuss or that you need a content warning for, include that in the intake form. It is important that you are as comfortable and calm as possible for your reading, so make sure you advocate for yourself if you have requests or accommodations. This will help put your mind at ease, so you can focus on enjoying your reading.

Remember that your reader is here to help you; not to shame you, judge you, or tell you what you “have to” do (there’s no such thing). If for any reason you aren’t feeling good about the direction of your reading, feel free to ask your reader to change course. Some ways of communicating this include:

• “Could I hear more about what options I have if I want to achieve (insert goal)?”

• “I’m feeling (emotion) about how things are looking so far. Could we explore how I could make this situation better?”

• “I’d actually prefer to focus on (other topic), if that’s okay.”

Remember that a tarot reading’s purpose is to give you choices, control, and empowerment; not to make you feel trapped or scared.

Come prepared with questions

It’s perfectly fine to come into a reading without a question, but you will receive more specific answers when you have more specific questions. A professional reader will be fine if you don’t know where you want to begin, but it’s best to have a general idea of the topics or questions you’d like to cover. If you’re not sure, here are some sample questions to get you started:

• What are my most powerful and special qualities?

• What should I focus on in my life right now (in work, love, or in general)?

• What should I let go of  (in work, love, or in general)?

• What is the key to my success  (in work, love, or in general)?

• How can I heal (whatever you’re struggling with)?

• How can I make the most of (upcoming event or life change)?

You can also ask your reader how to best formulate a question. If you are asking about a love interest, for example, your reader can help you craft questions to find your desired guidance. 

Know what you want out of the reading

In addition to your questions, think about your goals for the reading. 

• What do you want to gain: insight, guidance, confirmation, an overview of your options? 

• How do you want to feel: empowered, healed, validated, inspired, etc? 

• Take note of where you’re at currently: lost, stuck, frustrated, uninspired?

• What kind of guidance do you want from the reading? Do you want emotional advice, action steps, to know all your options, to formulate a plan to achieve a specific goal?

Reflecting on where you’re at right now, and where you want to be after your reading, will help your reader understand how to give you the most helpful reading possible. If you know what kind of guidance you’re looking for, communicating that to your reader will help them to support you in the best way.

Be willing to talk with your reader

The best readings I’ve had are the ones in which my client engages with me, answers the follow-up questions I ask them, and isn’t afraid to let me know how they’re feeling. I don’t mind if someone doesn’t want to say anything during a reading, or if a client naturally isn’t very talkative, but it’s much more helpful to receive feedback from a client on how they’re feeling and what they’d like to focus on. 

A tarot reading is a space for you to feel comfortable, honest, and open, and your reading will benefit from your emotional authenticity and openness. Don’t be afraid to share your hopes and your feelings. I am very used to clients crying in my readings, and that kind of emotional release is healthy and important for the emotional subject matter we cover in a reading.

A tarot reading is a co-created experience, so dialogue and openness are very much appreciated to make sure you’re getting the most out of our time together.

Do’s and don’ts of a great tarot reading

Ultimately, there are a few major things to keep in mind to make sure you get the most out of your reading: choose the right reader, calm your mind, and communicate during the reading. To summarize the rest of what we covered in this article:

Don’ts for your best tarot reading:

• Don’t book a reader for the wrong questions/topics. If you’re unsure, look at the reader’s social media or website to determine if they read for all questions, if they specialize in a specific area, and if there are certain topics they do not read for. See what they talk most about in their social media or blog. If all else fails, email them and ask if they read for your specific topic.

• Don’t try to “test” your tarot reader; you’ll just waste their time and your money.

• Don’t do anything stressful or emotionally taxing before your reading.

• Don’t be totally silent during your reading, unless your reader asks you to. Many readers find that the best readings involve dialogue between reader and client. Your reader may ask you how you’re feeling, what you think of a certain card, or where you’d like to take the reading next; engage!

• Don’t hide your thoughts and emotions during a reading; your reading will benefit from your honesty and openness. This is part of why it’s important to book with a reader you trust.

Do’s for your best tarot reading:

• Know your reader. Learn about their personality, their areas of speciality, and their reading style, as applicable, to make sure they’re the best reader for your personality and your questions.

• Prepare your questions for the reading, and have them written out in front of you so you remember what you want to have answered during the reading.

• Reflect on where you are prior to the reading (your emotions, your mentality, and your life situation), as well as where you’d like to be after your reading (the emotions, answers, and goals you want to achieve). You may not be able to accomplish everything in a single reading, but knowing where you’re at and where you want to go, and communicating that with your reader, will help.

• Do something calming before the reading, so you enter the space with a calm and clear mind. Try meditating, reading a comforting book, going for a walk, or listening to music that soothes you.

• Communicate with your reader. If something is confusing for you, or if you want more insight on a certain card or question, don’t be afraid to ask! Your reader is here to help you, and they want to make sure you get the most out of your time together.

Now that you’re prepared for your best tarot reading yet, you can relax and receive all the wisdom that the cards are ready to give you. To book a reading with me, click here to access my booking page 🖤

Sex Magic Herbs

Herbs are fantastic allies for magical workings. Plants hold living energy within them, whether they’re fresh or dried. The addition of herbs to your magical working amplifies your intention. Think of each intention as a strand on a “web” of magic: an intention of confidence will be empowered by an herb of confidence (like motherwort), a planet of confidence (like the sun), a crystal of confidence (like citrine), and so on.

How to Choose Sex Magic Herbs

The best way to work with an herb is to develop a relationship with it through personal experience with it. Tune in to which herb you feel intuitively drawn to, research the herb for safety information and magical uses, and develop a relationship with it: grow it if you can, meditate with it, and see what magical properties and messages it presents to you.

Examples of Sex Magic Herbs

There are obvious herbal allies for sex & love magic (like rose, for example). Below are a few lesser-known herbs for sex magic, including traditional meanings and my personal experiences with them.

Damiana increases arousal, psychic abilities, and the intensity of sexual magic. It can be taken internally as a tea, or macerated in an oil to make a sacred lubricant (after allergy testing).  As an arousing and empowering herb, Damiana is ideal for establishing and deepening your sexual relationship with yourself. As an herb corresponding to Pluto, Damiana can also be used to empower your Underworld journey, confronting your shadows, fears and insecurities, and navigating the shadow self in a loving and healing way.

Mandrake is an herb of sex and death, and is one of the most powerful and legendary herbs in folklore and magic. It can be fatal when taken internally, and is used to honor the crone archetype and deities that preside over the realm of the dead. Mandrake is also considered an aphrodisiac that increases sexual power and magic. As a visionary herb, it empowers psychic awareness and the ability to manifest intentions. Sometimes used for exorcisms, mandrake can aid in banishing negative energies (emotions, people, etc) from your sexual and emotional self. Corresponding with the Fool card and the World card, mandrake aids in honoring the cycles of beginnings and endings, life and death, risk and potential reward. Mandrake is ideal for use at the full moon, to reflect on accomplishments and embrace one’s full power. For safety, I would recommend only using mandrake in a sachet or on the altar, and drawing energetically from its presence during magical workings. 

Marshmallow also embodies the dichotomy of love and death as an aphrodisiac and a funereal herb. Ancient Greeks planted the flowers upon the graves of loved ones, and marshmallow is the flower of Althea, a Greek fertility goddess who hangs herself after learning of her brothers’ deaths.  Corresponding to Venus, marshmallow root can be burned, kept in a sachet, or used to dress a candle to increase the power of a sex magic ritual. As it is high in vegetable gum, marshmallow root has also been used as an ingredient in sacred lubricant. As with anything to be used internally, I’d recommend exercising caution and allergy-testing it on the wrist first.

Mint is an herb of dominance, power, success, and prosperity. I experience mint as an herb of exploration, curiosity, and tenacity as well. I grow mint in my garden, and it grows prolifically and spreads out fearlessly in many directions. I drink mint as a tea and offer sprigs of it to Hades, but the potential uses of mint are almost endless.

Whichever herbs you choose for your sex magic practice, make sure you’re working with them safely and intuitively. Figuring out what each herb means to you will make your magic with them even more nuanced, personalized, and powerful.

Craving more information on developing your sensual self? Click here to join my free event, Love Witch Awakening 🖤

Sex Magic Spells with Sex Toys

Toys can be great additions to sex magic spells, giving us access to varied and novel sensations and pleasure possibilities. Any toy can be a part of a sex magic spell/ritual, but you can customize your toys to fit your specific spell’s intentions.

How to do Sex Magic

• Set intention: choose a clear, concise, and present-tense intention. Don't use open-ended or negating language (ex. “I am happy” instead of “I am not sad”)

• Create sacred space: your ritual can be as simple or ornate as you’d like. Do whatever practices you’d like for cleansing, protective, and sacred-space creation

• Raise energy through pleasure: slowly and gradually raise energy through pleasure; the longer and more powerful your pleasure, the stronger your spell will be. Keep your intention in your mind (visually, verbally, or both) as you raise your energy and pleasure

• Release energy through orgasm: during orgasm, visualize/speak your intention very clearly.  Feel and know the intention coming true at the moment of orgasm, and release the intention to the universe/Spirit/whatever divinity you work with

• Meditate, close down & ground: take a quiet moment after orgasm to express gratitude and connect with your divine, if you’d like. Once you feel the ritual is done, close down the sacred space, do your protective practices again, and ground with a snack, water, or any other grounding practices

• For more info on how to start and amplify your sex magic practice, check out my Sex Magic workshop

How to do Sex Magic with Sex Toys

The power of a sex magic spell depends on the focused intensity of your pleasure, and toys are a perfect way to focus on your pleasure and create various sensations and types of pleasure. To use toys in sex magic, correspond your toy(s) with your intentions. Make sure to choose toys based on what you like; the power of sex magic is based in pleasure, so don’t use a toy unless it brings you pleasure. If you plan on working with a new toy, try it out in a non-ritual session before using it for sex magic. Any toy can be used for any sex magic ritual, but corresponding your toy(s) to your intentions can amplify the ritual, just like using corresponding herbs or crystals. Optionally, you can consecrate or energetically charge your toy before using it in your ritual. Below are some example intentions and corresponding toys. Feel free to use this as a guide, and get creative with your sex magic toys 🖤

Intention: Grounding, Safety, Stability, Security, Root Chakra

Toys: 

• Butt Plug: butt play stimulates the area of the root chakra, which encourages feelings of grounding, stability, and security

• Prostate Massager: for folks with a prostate, a massager can be a great addition to one’s toy bag!

• Impact Toy: impact play creates intense sensation for focused attention to your pleasure

• Chakrubs Xaga Wand: crystal wands (especially obsidian and red jasper) are great for promoting security and grounding. Use my code GWEN10 for 10% off your purchase 🖤

Intention: Creativity, Flow, Sacral Chakra

Toys:

• Suction Toy: a fun and creative alternative (or additional) sensation to vibration

• Dual Vibrator: another creative addition to one’s toy bag, this toy has licking, sucking, and vibrating capability

• Chakrubs Sacral Wand: orange aventurine promotes creativity, self-worth, and independence. Use my code GWEN10 for 10% off your purchase 🖤

Intention: Confidence, Power, Solar Plexus Chakra

Toys: 

• Magic Wand: one of the most iconic and powerful wands on the market, the Magic Wand is great for folks who are looking for a no-frills, high-powered vibe. Various attachments can be added to add different textures and even internal vibration!

• Pulsating Vibrator: the Stronic Pulsating vibe offers high power with a back-and-forth vibrating motion, as opposed to traditional vibration

Intention: Self Love, Romance, Heart Healing, Heart Chakra

Toys:

• Chakrubs Heart Wand: the rose quartz Heart wand is the perfect addition to a self love sex magic spell. Rose quartz encourages heart healing, self-compassion, and even healing from emotional pain and trauma. Use my code GWEN10 for 10% off your Chakrubs purchase 🖤

• Breast Massager: an alternative (or addition) to crystal wands, breast massagers stimulate the heart chakra area directly. Use my code GWEN10 for 10% off your Chakrubs purchase 🖤

• Nipple Pump: for nipple-based pleasure, a pump offers a suction sensation and increases blood flow and sensation to the nipples. The pum linked is great for beginners, and this set is great for folks looking for higher power.

Intention: Intuition Development, Psychic Abilities, Third Eye Chakra

Toys: 

• Chakrubs Amethyst Wand: amethyst is ideal for folks looking to increase intuition and psychic abilities, connecting to one’s higher self, and encouraging inner peace. Use my code GWEN10 for 10% off your Chakrubs purchase 🖤

• Sensation Lube: this warming lube is a fun addition to increase sensation in whatever area you apply it to, encouraging focused attention to your pleasure and empowering your sex magic

• Massage Candle: connecting to all areas of the body helps facilitate full embodiment, which helps to ground you in the present moment and empowers your sex magic. Self-massage is a great sensual and sex magic practice on its own, or in addition to other types of pleasure.

I hope this gave you some ideas for integrating toys into your sex magic spells. Curious to learn more? Check out Pleasure & Power, my nine-week course for complete sensual and spiritual embodiment.

What can the dark teach us about Desire?

What can the dark teach us about desire?

Yesterday, I was walking down one of my favorite paths in the woods. I came to the causeway of my favorite pond, looked out to the shadowy forest on the other side, and thought, "I wonder what's in there." Later, I came across the broken down old house that I've passed a hundred times, but never dared to explore. I thought to myself, "I wonder what's in there."

Where there is dark space, there is mystery. Where there is mystery, there is the desire to explore, to investigate, to know.

In our relationships and our lives, we need a balance of mystery and knowing, novelty and safety, unknown and known. Psychotherapist Esther Perel defines this dichotomy as Desire and Love:

Desire is separateness and mystery.

Love is connectedness and familiarity.

When there is too much desire, we feel impassioned but unsafe; when there is too much love, we feel safe but uninspired. However, the folks who feel bored in their relationships (and lives) forget that the dark space always exists, no matter how much we think we know.

We can never truly "know" our world, our partners, or even ourselves. We are always learning, exploring, and evolving. This isn't to make you feel overwhelmed or intimidated; it's to allow you to feel excited and energized.

The opportunity for infinite exploration keeps us enchanted with life: there is always another dark cavern to explore, a shadowy spot in the woods to investigate, a corner of our partner's mind to learn about. Remember this innate excitement whenever you feel bored in life; you never know it all, and that's a good thing.

Sex Magic and Blood Magic: Is Period Sex Blood Magic?

Sex magic and blood magic are both immensely powerful on their own; but what if you combine them? Is it possible to have “accidentally” done a blood-sex-magic spell if you noticed red post-coitus?

The Power of the Period

Menstrual magic and mythology are found in cultures all over the world. Magic with period blood is especially potent (energetically and emotionally) in the Western world, where menstruation is still widely shamed and shunned. Many folks who menstruate find this type of magic to be empowering and deeply fulfilling.

The use of blood in magic is so powerful because blood is life force, and as your own organic material, the use of your blood in a spell binds the spellwork to you. Be cautious when you use blood magic (see safety note below for physical precautions). As with any magic, you need to respect the power you’re working with, and consider the ethical implications of your working. Blood isn’t necessary in every spell.

Magical Uses for Menstrual Blood

1. Waning magic: A blood magic practitioner I know refers to menstrual blood as “dead blood,” which means it’s ideally used for waning, or “lessening,” magic. Waning magic includes protection, releasing, and banishing spells.

2. Self-empowerment magic: Using one’s own menstrual blood can be a powerful addition to spells of self-empowerment and sovereignty. Intentions of reclaiming your power, releasing energy or that isn’t yours or isn’t serving you, and truly stepping into your power are all amplified with the use of menstrual blood.

3. Self-dedication magic: Conjure the image in your mind of “signing a contract in blood;” pretty serious, right? Menstrual blood can be used for “signing contracts” to yourself, literally or energetically. Whether you’re making a big promise to yourself or dedicating yourself to a goal for your wellbeing, working with menstrual blood creates binding agreements with yourself, which empowers your dedication and manifestation toward your “contract.”

How do I use Period Blood for Magic?

For health and safety reasons, I recommend using menstrual blood only in solo magic (whether it’s a sex magic ritual or not). In my opinion, engaging in blood magic with others falls in the category of “you could, but should you?” due to the health risks (and energetic risks) involved.

To collect your period blood, use a menstrual cup like the ergonomic, sterilizable Fun Cup. Wash your hands thoroughly before and after you insert and remove the cup. Make sure any materials that interact with your blood are either disposable or non-porous (medical grade silicone, glass, stainless steel, etc). There are so many ways to work magic with menstrual blood (anoint yourself, create a sigil for self love, write or paint, use it with candle magic, etc). Whatever you do, make sure you’re being safe. 

So, is having sex on your period blood magic?

In summary, no. Magic is the act of raising energy in accordance with intention; if your intention isn’t there, it’s not a spell. To get very literal, the occult society Thelema defines magic as "the Science and Art of causing Change to occur in conformity with Will.” This means magic requires will, and if you’re not willing it, it won’t happen.

To offer some perspective:

It’s not a love spell every time you light a pink candle.

It’s not a manifestation ritual every time you drink herbal tea.

It’s not a sex magic ritual every time you have sex.

Although we are capable of connecting with all of these as magical energy amplifiers, they’re also capable of being mundane.

If you’re curious about sexuality, spirituality, and self-intimacy, you’ve come to the right place. Explore my other blog posts for free info on sex magic (and lots more), my workshops for self-paced learning on sexuality & spirituality, and my booking page for 1:1 tarot readings and consultations. If you’re ready to dive deep into your sexuality & spirituality journey, enroll in my signature offering, Pleasure & Power.

Safety note: Blood can carry bacteria and other disease-causing pathogens, so make sure you are being safe when working with blood. I only recommend using your own menstrual blood for magic, and always being sanitary when obtaining your menstrual blood. As a general rule, use barrier methods (like condoms and dental dams) during sex to reduce the risk of STIs, and get tested for STIs regularly. Do not share or exchange blood or other body fluids with anyone unless you are fluid-bonded with them. You don’t need to use blood to work effective magic, so when in doubt, err on the side of caution. If you have any medical questions, ask a medical professional. Please be safe!

All About Anal: Toys & Tips

One of the most frequently asked questions I receive is “what toys are best for anal play?”

I love hearing that folks are interested in expanding their sexual repertoire through exploring anal play. Everybody has a butt, and every butt has lots of nerve endings that can make for fun and pleasurable play. The basic tenets of safe butt play are:

1. Use LOTS of lube.  The anus doesn’t lubricate itself, so lube is necessary for safe butt play.

2. All butt toys must have a flared base.  Toys can’t get lost in the vagina, but they can get lost inside the butt.  As my old boss used to say, “You don’t want to be the cautionary tale at the emergency room.”

3. Go slow, take it easy, and stop if you feel pain.  Pain is the body’s way of saying “too much, too soon,” and it’s important to respect that.  Never use numbing agents, as numbing pain receptors can lead to injury.

So which toys really are best for butt play?

As with anything sexuality-related, it depends.  However, there are some fan-favorite products that I would highly recommend for beginners.  Let’s explore!

Mood Silicone Small Butt Plug: This plug is soft, small, and perfect for beginners! Silicone is non-porous, so it won’t hold on to bacteria after thorough cleaning; you can even boil it or throw it in the dishwater! The plug is approximately the size of a pinkie, so if you’ve already explored that far, you may want to try the Medium or Large sizes.

nJoy Stainless Steel Pure Plug Small: For a firmer, smoother, and heavier feel, try the nJoy Pure Plug. Steel is a wonderful material for the aforementioned sensations, for its nonporosity, and its ability to warm or cool for temperature play.  The Pure Plugs also come in a variety of sizes; check out the Medium, Large, or 2.0 for successively larger and heavier options.

Rocks-Off O-Boy Prostate Vibrator: The O-Boy has the same flexible silicone as the Fuze plug,  plus optional vibration and an ergonomic curve for prostate massage.  For those who prefer a firmer and heavier prostate toy, try the steel nJoy Pfun Prostate Plug.

To complement your new toy(s) and make sure your butt play goes smoothly and safely, let’s look at some favorite lubes:

Uberlube Silicone Lubricant: Silicone lube is ideal for butt play, as the body doesn’t absorb it.  However, it is not compatible with silicone toys (like the Fuze plugs or O-Boy).

Sliquid Sassy Water Based Anal Lube: As a water-based lube, Sliquid Sassy is compatible with all toy materials.  Water-based lube will eventually absorb into the body, so you may need to reapply.

And because I’m a shameless literary nerd, you know I had to include some books. These will help improve your knowledge of anal toys, play, and practices, so you can have the safest and most pleasurable play possible.

Anal Sex Basics: The Beginner's Guide to Maximizing Anal Pleasure for Every Body: This book is short, sweet, and packed with information.  Graphics and diagrams round out the easy-to-read text.

Anal Pleasure and Health: Therapist Jack Morin, Ph.D, guides readers on a more detailed “tour of the anus,” including tips for health, comfort, and pleasure.

I hope this helped you find some inspiration and education for your butt play exploration. If you have additional questions or would like further guidance, feel free to book a 1:1 consultation with me!

Stress and Sexuality

Let's talk about stress, baby!

But seriously...whether it’s the holiday season, a recent heartbreak, or world events, stress impacts our sexuality in various ways.

Why do I feel less (or more) sexual when I’m stressed?

Do you feel more or less sexual when you’re stressed?

If you answered "more," you likely have a low SIS (Sexual Inhibition System) and/or a high SES (Sexual Excitation System). This means that you're less attuned to things that might "turn you off" and more attuned to things that might "turn you on." As in, it’s easier for you to be “turned on.”

If you answered "less," you likely have a high SIS and/or a low SES, meaning you're more attuned to things that might "turn you off," and less attuned to things that might "turn you on." As in, it’s easier for you to be “turned off.”

SIS and SES are parts of The Dual Control Model (Bancroft & Janssen, 2000), which "postulates that sexual response depends on a balance between excitatory and inhibitory mechanisms and that individuals vary in their propensity for excitation and inhibition" (Graham, Sanders, Milhausen).

In layperson’s terms, we all have things that turn us off and turn us on; but everyone has a different balance of how sensitive they are to these “excitations” and “inhibitions.” Think of the SIS like the brakes on a car, and the SES like the gas pedal.

For some people, stress may be a motivator (gas) for them to have sex, as a way to fulfill needs such as bonding, escaping self awareness, or releasing emotion, energy, or tension.

For others, stress may cause them to shut down sexually (brakes), perhaps as a way of protecting their energy or prioritizing the survival response of addressing stress over the "fun" of sex, among other reasons.

What can I do about my sexuality when I’m stressed?

1) Remember that you are normal, whether you feel more or less sexual in correspondence to stress. Everyone is different, and as long as your responses aren’t impacting your quality of life, then they’re fine and don’t need “fixing.”

2) Reflect on your level of stress (in daily life and in temporary circumstances like the holidays) to gain a greater sense of self-awareness. If you can prepare for certain stressful times (scheduled, like the holidays, and unplanned, like world events), then you can better care for yourself during those times. For example, if you know you’re more stressed and less sexual during the holidays, perhaps ask your partner to give you a relaxing massage instead of anticipating sex after your office holiday party. If you know you’re more sexual as a result of stress, perhaps hire a sitter and book a hotel getaway for the evening after the holiday party.

3) Respond in whatever way works for you, and be gentle with yourself about however you relate to sexuality under stress.

For more information on reclaiming sexuality after a stressful event like a breakup, see my Instagram reel here. To dive deeper into your sexuality and spirituality, explore my course, Pleasure & Power.