Solo Sex Magic
Sex magic is, as the name implies, the practice of magic through the powerful conduit of sexual energy. To quote the (imperfect but iconic) occultist Aleister Crowley, magic is “the Science and Art of causing Change to occur in conformity with Will,” or in layperson’s terms, changing our lives to achieve our goals and desires.
Sexual energy is ideal for magical uses because it is powerful creative energy that commands our attention. Magic is most powerful when we are focused, connected, and intensely invested in our intentions, and there’s no better way to connect with ourselves and our desires than through solo sex.
Sex magic can be performed in infinite ways, but there is a common ritual structure to inspire your practice. Remember: the important thing is not whether you’re doing things the “right” way, but that you feel confident, powerful, and invested in the ritual. Connection and emotional investment are the two most important aspects of any magical working; the rest is just icing on the cake, if you will.
Let’s explore the “how-to” of a sex magic ritual, some frequently asked questions, and some ways to personalize a sex magic practice.
How to do Sex Magic
In its simplest form, sex magic is performed by thinking of an intention, keeping that intention in mind while raising sexual pleasure, and releasing the intention upon orgasm or height of pleasure. Below, I’ve outlined a basic sex magic ritual structure that you can follow or customize to your liking.
1. Set your intention: choose a clear, concise, and present-tense intention. Don’t use ambiguous, negating, or future-tense language. Some examples of well-crafted intentions are “I am a writer at [insert magazine name],” or “I live in my dream apartment in Los Angeles.”
2. Create sacred space: your ritual can be as simple or ornate as you’d like. Do whatever practices you’d like for energetic cleansing, self-protection, and creating sacred space. Examples include lighting candles, applying your favorite perfume, and casting a circle.
3. Raise energy through pleasure: slowly and gradually raise energy through self-pleasure. Focus on enjoying the pleasure, not on what kind of pleasure you’re engaging in or how long the ritual is. Keep your intention in your mind (visually, verbally, or both) as you raise your energy and pleasure.
4. Release energy at height of pleasure: during orgasm (or height of pleasure), visualize and/or speak your intention very clearly. Feel and know the intention is true in the present moment. Release the intention to the universe, Spirit, or whatever is meaningful to you.
5. Meditate, close down, and ground: optionally, take a quiet moment after releasing your intention to express gratitude and connect with yourself and/or whatever higher power you sent your intention to. Once you feel the ritual is done, close down the sacred space, do your protective practices again, and ground with a snack, water, or any other aftercare practices you like.
There are endless ways to customize a sex magic ritual (with sensory additions like candles, music, toys, etc) to increase your pleasure and enjoyment. There are also various sexual and spiritual techniques to bolster the power of your magical working, like edging and energetically protecting yourself before and after the ritual.
How to do Sex Magic with Sex Toys
The efficacy of a sex magic ritual centers on the focused enjoyment of your pleasure. To emphasize presence and pleasure in your sex magic practice, toys can be great additions to your rituals. Toys can give us access to varied and novel sensations, inspire us to explore new erogenous zones, and support us in expanding our pleasure possibilities.
Any toy can be a part of a sex magic ritual, but you can also customize your toys to fit your specific spell’s intentions. Make sure to choose toys based on what you like; the power of sex magic is based on pleasure, so don’t use a toy unless it brings you pleasure. If you plan on working with a new toy, try it out in a non-ritual session before using it for sex magic. That way, you can focus on enjoying it instead of worrying about whether or not you will like it.
Corresponding your toy(s) to your intentions can amplify the ritual, just like using corresponding herbs or crystals. Optionally, you can consecrate or energetically charge your toy before using it in your ritual. Below are some example intentions and corresponding toys. Feel free to use this as inspiration, and get creative with your sex magic toys!
Intention: Grounding, Safety, Stability, Security, Root Chakra
Toys:
Butt Plug: butt play stimulates the area of the root chakra, which encourages feelings of grounding, stability, and security.
Prostate Massager: for folks with a prostate, a massager can be a great addition to one’s toy bag! Prostate toys also stimulate the root chakra area.
Impact Toy: impact play creates an intense sensation for focused attention to your pleasure.
Intention: Creativity, Sensuality, Flow, Sacral Chakra
Toys:
Suction Toy: a fun and creative alternative (or additional) sensation to vibration.
Dual Vibrator: another creative addition to one’s toy bag, this toy has licking, sucking, and vibrating capabilities.
Intention: Confidence, Power, Solar Plexus Chakra
Toys:
Magic Wand: one of the most iconic and powerful wands on the market, the Magic Wand is great for folks who are looking for a no-frills, high-powered vibe. Various attachments can be added for different textures and even internal vibration!
Pulsating Vibrator: The Stronic Pulsating vibe offers high power with a back-and-forth vibrating motion, as opposed to traditional vibration.
Intention: Self Love, Romance, Heart Healing, Heart Chakra
Toys:
Nipple Pump: pumps offer a suction sensation and increase blood flow and sensation to the nipples. The pump linked is great for beginners, and this set is great for folks looking for a higher power.
Crave Vesper Vibrator Necklace: keeping this vibrator close to your heart will charge it with the energy of your heart, and support you in healing any blockages of self-love or partnered love. Just remember that it still needs to be physically charged too!
Intention: Self Trust, Intuition Development, Third Eye Chakra
Toys:
Fun Factory Volta Flickering Silicone Vibe: This versatile vibrator can be enjoyed in infinite ways, and encourages you to intuitively explore the various pleasures you can experience with it.
Sensation Lube: this warming lube is a fun addition to increase sensation in whatever area you apply it to, encouraging focused attention to your pleasure and empowering your sex magic.
Massage Candle: connecting to all areas of the body helps facilitate full embodiment, which helps to ground you in the present moment and empowers your sex magic. Self-massage is a great sensual and sex magic practice on its own, or in addition to other types of pleasure.
FAQs about Sex Magic
What if my intention isn’t “sexy?”
If you’re struggling to envision yourself self-pleasuring to a “non-sexy” intention, I recommend focusing on the sensory or sensual experience of the intention. For example, if your intention is to get a promotion at work, envision the sense of power you’ll feel with your new position. Feel the fabric of whatever clothes you’re wearing on your first day, the smell of the perfume you’ll put on, and the feeling of confidence and joy that you’ll have when you walk through the door or open your laptop. Feeling the experience is the most important thing.
What if I can’t/don’t orgasm?
A lot of resources define sex magic as manifestation based on orgasm. I believe that, just like sex as a whole, sex magic is an expansive practice that is not defined by a single physical function. The “goal” of sex magic is not orgasm; it is the enjoyment of your pleasure. As long as you’re enjoying yourself, your sex magic is effective!
What if I “mess up” during the ritual?
Magic doesn’t care if you trip on your words or have to take a bathroom break. If you feel you “messed up” in any way, just take a moment to collect yourself and continue with the ritual. Again, the most important thing is to be present at the moment and emotionally invested in the magic you’re creating.
What do I do after the ritual?
A key component of magic is putting all your energy and attention into the ritual, and then trusting that it will play out in due time. It may not “work” the way you wanted to, as nothing is guaranteed; but the act of magic is to initiate collaborative work with whatever spiritual power is meaningful to you (your spiritual self, a deity, an ancestor, etc). Do not worry about whether or not your ritual will “work.” If you find yourself starting to worry, remind yourself that you are doing your part spiritually, and whomever you are spiritually collaborating with will then take the time to do their part.
Do You Believe in Magic?
Whether you’re a seasoned witch or a spiritual skeptic, sex magic can be an enjoyable and empowering practice. Affirming positive things about ourselves helps us feel more confident and capable in our lives, which can help us navigate challenges and celebrate successes more constructively.
As you become more acquainted with the unique emotions and energies of your sex magic, you’ll be able to conjure them even outside of a ritual setting. Channeling this energy consistently will help you stay connected to your sensuality, confidence, and power.
