What can the dark teach us about Desire?

What can the dark teach us about desire?

Yesterday, I was walking down one of my favorite paths in the woods. I came to the causeway of my favorite pond, looked out to the shadowy forest on the other side, and thought, "I wonder what's in there." Later, I came across the broken down old house that I've passed a hundred times, but never dared to explore. I thought to myself, "I wonder what's in there."

Where there is dark space, there is mystery. Where there is mystery, there is the desire to explore, to investigate, to know.

In our relationships and our lives, we need a balance of mystery and knowing, novelty and safety, unknown and known. Psychotherapist Esther Perel defines this dichotomy as Desire and Love:

Desire is separateness and mystery.

Love is connectedness and familiarity.

When there is too much desire, we feel impassioned but unsafe; when there is too much love, we feel safe but uninspired. However, the folks who feel bored in their relationships (and lives) forget that the dark space always exists, no matter how much we think we know.

We can never truly "know" our world, our partners, or even ourselves. We are always learning, exploring, and evolving. This isn't to make you feel overwhelmed or intimidated; it's to allow you to feel excited and energized.

The opportunity for infinite exploration keeps us enchanted with life: there is always another dark cavern to explore, a shadowy spot in the woods to investigate, a corner of our partner's mind to learn about. Remember this innate excitement whenever you feel bored in life; you never know it all, and that's a good thing.